TJ Hooker
Last night we made a run for the border into Tijuana, Mexico. The fellas gave me a security briefing before we got there but the experience from a first trip will teach you everything you need to know. For example:
1. Do not take your wallet, only ID, cash and (1) credit card if necessary
2. Do not let a bartender talk you into having a drink, especially the "upside down Margarita"
3. In fact, do not have a mixed drink - only have bottled drinks (beer). The water is poison.
4. Do not eat anything.
5. Thankfully, the word for "no" in Spanish is "no". You will be saying this a lot to people on the street.
6. Build up a tolerance to offensive smells quickly.
7. Watch your step when you are walking through town. Vomitus, fecal matter, etc. maybe the least of your worries.
8. Play it cool coming back through US Customs.
Basically, Tijuana represents all of the stereotypes we all think of we when think of Mexican border towns. Dirty, slummy, taco stands everywhere, cheap beer, cheaper women and service that would easily compete with any highly Zagat rated restaurant. A couple of things did surprise me about the border town. The number of "pharmacies" is astonishing. We went into one and negotiated a purchase of 100 Vicodin pills for $20. The other thing that caught my attention was how big the city of Tijuana is. Although it was night time, it appeared that lights stretched out into the distance as far as the horizon. I could only imagine what lied beyond the entertainment district we were roaming around in.
There are two establishments we visited that I should note before signing off. The first was called "Chicago Club" and the second "Adeioltas". These were bonefied Tijuana whorehouses. However, they do not appear to be an actual brothel when you first enter. To any newcomer, it would seem like a relatively nice club with a dance floor in the middle and an incredible ratio of women to men (meaning more women than men). Women, wearing clothes varying from nice dresses to questionable skank-wear, are just standing in various positions around the club. I quickly figured out they are hunters as much as the men are. Some are very attractive and others are...not. Their body language was blatant and predictable. As you walk through, women will shift positions so their rear sides are "putting out the vibe." They will catch eye contact, give a smile and then after a minute or two, move in for the kill. We did negotiate with one of them, but could not come to an agreement. I won't say who exactly the negotiations were for but I can tell you that it is a good feeling to have, not questioning whether or not your twig and berries are going to fall off or if you can ever kiss your mom with those lips again.
Last night was actually pretty quiet in TJ - not a lot of people there, especially Americans. This was actually a more intimidating environment for my first trip to Mexico as I felt the need to constantly watch my back. However, this trip was still a great experience and I'm thankful that now I don't have to do the border town thing again because, I've already done it and done it well with the fellas.
